“Toxic” people are those who, when they appear, feel an inner tension and just want to escape. How do I recognize them?
Have you ever met people who express their opinion without asking if you need it or not? And imagine the situation: you are nice to communicate with colleagues, and then they appear, and the conversation somehow does not stick further and you want to disperse? In this case, they are “toxic” people (this is how I identify them for myself), when they appear, you feel an internal tension and just want to escape.
During my time working in the offices of various companies, I learned to quickly recognize such people and avoid contact with them. Do you want me to teach you? So that with their appearance you do not have to waste your energy and nerves in vain.
- Toxic lovers of embellishment and exaggeration.
This technique, called hyperbole, is suitable for writers – books will be more interesting to read. It is used to enhance the expressiveness and emphasize the spoken thought. But in real life, a person who embellishes his own merits and at the same time turns the merits of other people into dust is at least puzzling. And is it possible to believe such people? More often they turn out to be liars, the truth is revealed, and they are blacklisted. After all, no one likes to be lied to.
- They should work in the yellow press!
They say you can build a career on gossip. I’ve even seen some of them. I confess that in my youth I sometimes gossiped with colleagues and friends (well, who among us is not a sinner?), and then I received such a “kickback” from life that I swore not to do it. Gossip takes away both strength and energy. I didn’t like the emotional devastation that followed the conversations. It was too much for me to work with, too much for my imagination, too much for me to work with.
- Judge not, that ye be not judged.
“Toxic” people are big fans of judging. It does not matter who and for what, the process is important. But in most cases, they do it unfounded, just for the sake of the conversation itself. And I do not advise you to enter into an argument with a phrase like ” but you have no proof.” Otherwise, you will become a new victim of gossip and judgment. After all, such people do not care about whom to gossip about.
By the way, condemnation is considered a kind of pride and is considered as one of the gravest sins.
- Solid negative.
In the metropolis, it is especially acute to feel how negative things accumulate in the air like black clouds. Perhaps in other countries this is not the case, but in Russia I often hear even from unfamiliar people statements in a dissatisfied intonation.
Negative statements flow from such people in a stream, as if they have a special ability to find the bad in the good.
– What a nice day today, the sun is shining!
“Yes, but it’s going to rain tonight, and it’s going to rain most of the week!”
Or here from personal experience:
– It’s all the Americans ‘ fault, they have a setup that changes the weather as they want.
Seriously, I’ve heard that before.
- “Don’t cry, they say”
I can’t stand people who whine. I just don’t understand these people. I want to hit such a person on the head and say, ” Go get busy already.” Of course, I understand that in the life of any person, periods of “whining”are needed. So he was sad, seemed to come to his senses, dusted himself off and went on. I know people like that, I’m like that. I allow myself to whine for a short time sometimes. But the key word here is not for long!
“Here I see, for example: a butterfly is flying, its head is tiny, brainless, its wings are bak-bak-bak, bak-bak-bak … well, fool-fool! Sparrows are no better, either. Birch stupid, oak donkey, river cretin, clouds idiots. Horses are traitors” (x / f “Ordinary miracle”).
That’s how “toxic” people are dissatisfied with everything. Politics, the Russian football team, the fact that a piece of cake in honor of a colleague’s birthday is slightly dried on one edge – “he left me this one on purpose, because I didn’t help him with the report!”. But this behavior is destructive, it kills everything positive around. And communication with such people imperceptibly affects you, infecting you with the whining virus.
- The sentence cannot be justified!
Ooo! This is “my favorite sin” (“The Devil’s Advocate”).
I’m sure you’ve heard it at work more than once: “I didn’t do it because I wasn’t given all the information.” We’ve all made excuses for ourselves at least once. It’s anyone’s fault, but not mine. Our heroes just live by it – they don’t want to be responsible for their actions. When someone else is to blame, it’s somehow easier to live immediately, isn’t it? Not true!
For me, by the way, everything is the opposite – I always blame myself for everything, even if it is not so. And it’s also wrong, but I’m working on myself.
- I will accept someone else’s opinion as my own!
The heroes of my article are “toxic” people, but practical – if you don’t have your own, take someone else’s and say that it’s yours. It is convenient: you take someone else’s opinion, pass it off as your own and do not forget to say that everything is so and nothing else. Well, isn’t it annoying? Especially if you know for sure that the information is incorrect. But should anyone care?
- “Toxic” hedgehogs.
I’ve come across people who are completely impossible to talk to. No matter what you say, the “toxic” person tries to prick you in return. An amazing fact: often such people themselves do not notice such a property. I.e., it seems that they do not want to offend specifically, but in the end it turns out that way. Probably, they should not be allowed to work with clients.
I had such a friend, when talking to whom I periodically winced at the number of hairpins in my address. At one time I was patient, then I began to reduce our communication to a minimum, and soon I completely stopped. Do not associate with those who praise themselves by humiliating you!
It’s bad luck if you have such a person under your command – I was faced with just such a situation. My colleague had an amazing ability to build sentences in such a way that I had to periodically “exhale” and “close my eyes”, ignoring the intonation with which she spoke. You can, of course, dismiss such a person, if the authority allows, but it is important not to forget about professional qualities. In any case, after talking to this person, there was an unpleasant taste in my mouth, as if I was chewing something nasty.
What to do?
In dealing with such people, you really want to fight back and defend your point of view or point out mistakes in their behavior. But in doing so, we swallow the bait, because their goal is to assert themselves through argument or conflict, and not to search for the truth. To protect yourself, it is important to recognize their true intentions in time and get away from the conversation.
The excuse can be any, there would be an opportunity to politely bow out. In fact, it is not very important how you “otmazhatsya”, as long as it sounds convincing.
If you can’t get away from the conversation, it’s important not to get personal, because this is a direct manifestation of powerlessness. Talk only about the facts and operate on them. Don’t be like your opponent.
But I wish you not to meet with “toxic” people!