10 classic scoundrels we fall in love with.
Every woman at least once in her life met someone charming, attractive… and irresponsible, and we fell in love, suffered, waited, hoped that he would change.
To save us time, Ekaterina Ignatova, a psychologist, coach, and expert in Transactional analysis, sorted out ten classic types of scoundrels for us and explained why we need them and how to deal with them.
He lies as he breathes. And when he is not lying, he imagines with inspiration, invents. And it’s not that he’s really guilty and is looking for an alibi — no, he just doesn’t know how to tell the truth. Pathologically. And if you catch him lying, he still will not admit that he composed, but will begin to weave an intricate string of new ideas. To restore the picture of his past or the real events of the present can only be with the help of his best friends, although they do not know the whole truth. Sometimes he looks very much like a madman living in an illusory world. Although don’t worry, he is quite healthy, it’s just so much more convenient for him to live.
Why it is like this: At the age of three or five, all children tend to have magical thinking. Their logic is very different from that of adults. For example, a child may be quite sure that the family is forced to move from one apartment to another, because he did not wash his hands in time, thereby provoking such a cataclysm. If the adults do not help him to shed light on the real chain of events, if they admire the wonderful logic of the son, do not refute it, the child retains the desire to think magically in later life. That is, of course, the 30-year-old marketer knows that he was late for the meeting not because the magic carpet started to mess up, but because he did not calculate the time. But the child who lives in it will certainly come up with a less prosaic explanation and lie with three boxes. The desire to tell lies can arise in an adult even if in childhood he was scolded a lot, and it was possible to avoid another lecture or punishment only by composing some tall tale. But you are not his mother — do not scold the poor man.
A predator.
The victim tracks down from the shelter, then gets closer, licks his lips and pounces with one precise movement. Having satisfied his hunger, he goes away. This description is not the story of Uncle Kolya Drozdov, but the harsh truth of the life of a well-known specialist in conquering women’s hearts, which he eats for breakfast, afternoon tea and dinner. It is impossible not to succumb to his charm — because he knows all the points that need to be pressed. But it’s just as pointless to believe him as it is to believe that Santa Claus will give you a Lexus.
Why it is like this: In our culture, it is customary to say the following to boys as a child: “Well, what are you whining like a girl?” From which young creatures draw the following conclusion — to cry, complain, as well as to show tenderness, love and other feelings, real men have no right. They can seduce, conquer, and break, but not love. There are also quite neglected cases when parents, in addition to everything, inspire the boy that he should always and everywhere, absolutely under any circumstances, be strong. A strong man who feels nothing can turn mountains at work, change women like gloves, but he will never be happy in his personal life, no matter how much you try to make him happy with your big and pure love for him. And it is unlikely that such a type can make a woman truly happy, unless, of course, we are talking about one night of unforgettable sex. By the way, representatives of the category of predators often like to drink, and sometimes take something stronger, because only alcohol and other stimulants help them relax and-occasionally! – express your feelings.
An adventurer.
Today it is here, near you, and tomorrow – in Nakhodka, San Francisco or Cuba. It is impossible to get bored with him, he comes up with the best entertainment in the world. Agree with the ambulance driver, rent this strange car and go to St. Petersburg in it? Not a question. He has a million friends and acquaintances, huge plans, a lot of energy. He constantly comes up with the most original ideas (although to most sane people they would seem delusional), he is ready to move mountains for the sake of their implementation… However, it happens that he loses interest in these ideas as quickly as he ignites them. In general, he is an absolutely incredible man, the best in the world. Almost. There is only one ” but ” — it is absolutely impossible to count on it. At any moment, the adventurer can call, he will say a few lengthy phrases, kiss his girlfriend on the forehead and disappear. And when it will appear again, no one knows. Even him.
Why he is like this: He is a wanderer who goes without understanding the road. And there is no end point in this path, so the goal is to walk, or rather, to run. From what? From intimacy and co-existence. Perhaps, as a child, he was forced to run away from home to friends when his parents quarreled. And this habit became second nature to him. Or his father was a sailor, a soldier, a diplomat, and the family moved from one city to another. Either Dad died early, or he left the family. And he, as a little boy, had learned that there was no point in getting attached to people, because the inevitable separation would be more painful the closer he got to them. It is also possible that his mother’s pregnancy was difficult, and the reasons for the desire to run away lie in his prenatal stage of development. Whatever it is, he is not running from you, and this fugitive can only be pitied.
Mentor.
At first, it’s nice to be with him, because he knows everything and can explain everything. When ordering fish in a restaurant, he will tell you about its habitat. Walking around the city, he will give a lecture on the difference between Russian Art Nouveau and Art Deco. And if someone is ill, he will act as a consultant pharmacist. However, then it turns out that the caps of shampoos in the bathroom must necessarily be twisted to the end, and the shower hose hung on a special hook. Tomatoes are bought only by the company “Green Dacha”, and milk-by the company “Mad Cow”, because it has more calcium. He will tell you which books you should read, which movies you should watch. There can only be two opinions: one is his, the other is wrong. Keep in mind-when you want to leave him, he will also give you a lecture about the psychological background of your infantile act.
Why he is like this: Most likely, he was brought up quite strictly, and the main psychological device was a ban. From the age of three, he was told that he was already an adult, and therefore should not fool around and not play with toys, but act like a reasonable person, devoting all his time to studying and other useful activities. The boring mentor is used to listening not to his own desires, but to the instructions of his mother. With age, he simply forgot about his desires. This unfortunate person lives by the rules once written, clearly knowing what is possible and what is not, what is good and what is bad. Not for him personally, but for his parents. Over time, he began to project the habit of limiting himself on others. Well, is he really the only one who walks around in a case like a fool? We need to dress up the others in the same clothes. The most unpleasant thing is that he is wildly afraid to get out of the total control state. To live in a world where everything is marked and painted, where everything is labeled, is simple and convenient, like in a supermarket, where you go once a week. Asking him to remember what he wants is like sending a pedantic, prim Englishman to the Vietnamese market for breakfast food.