If you caught your partner in a lie.
No matter what kind of deception you are faced with, your reaction depends on whether you and the guy can get out of this situation, preserving the relationship. We will tell you what to do if you caught your partner in a lie.
- Think about why he lied.
If this is not a mental disorder, then there must be a more or less objective reason for lying. Think about why he did this: he was afraid of your reaction, ashamed of his act, used to deceive in previous relationships.
Either of these arguments doesn’t justify the guy. But if you show empathy, then it will be a little easier to cope with emotions. If you really want to solve the problem, and not just vent your anger, analyze the situation before you start talking.
- Speak calmly.
If you are convinced that your partner is cheating on you, talk to him about it. Just don’t give in to the urge to immediately throw a guy a scandal. Be calm and composed, explain what happened, and ask him to comment on it. Try not to interrupt your partner until he finishes talking.
Self-control is not necessary for the guy to be comfortable with you. If you speak emotionally, he can turn the situation against you. Take offense at your insults, start saying that you need to calm down, resort to gaslighting. Your reaction will give the guy a lot of reasons to get away from a constructive discussion of his act.
- Set boundaries.
If you are ready to continue the relationship after cheating, you should set strict boundaries. Explain how important it is to you that the guy is honest. Indicate that this applies even to small household lies, and not just infidelities or global betrayals. The logical conclusion of such a dialogue should be his agreement to continue the relationship only in conditions of absolute honesty.
Whether you can start trusting him again depends on the guy’s behavior. But if the lie is repeated, it will not be a mistake, but a deliberate blow to your values on his part.
- Give him the opportunity to tell the truth.
In some cases, we actually provoke the partner to deceive. When a person knows that you will react to the truth with accusations, condemnation, and it is unlikely that you will share his position, you do not really want to be honest.
Make sure that you give the guy the opportunity to communicate with you about anything and back it up with actions. Be open to dialogue, try not to rush with assessments, control your emotions. Don’t punish a person for being honest with you.
In order for the relationship to be truly sincere, you and your partner should not have forbidden topics. You can use your example to show him what kind of behavior you expect, so be honest.
- If the lies don’t stop, think about breaking up.
The previous tips are mostly suitable for the situation if you caught your partner in a lie for the first time. A lot depends on your reaction to his action: do not pretend that a small deception means nothing to you, if it does not, and give him the opportunity to correct himself. But, if the dishonesty continues, perhaps your relationship is not a priority for the guy.
This is especially true when the partner breaks a promise that he made earlier. So he shows that you can not believe either his words or his actions. After such an obvious betrayal, it is almost impossible to restore trust. If honesty in a relationship is one of your main values, you should think about breaking up, and not wait for the guy to change.