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How to build a relationship?

How to build a relationship?

It often happens that after the wedding, the relationship with the mother-in-law does not work out. The husband rushes, as if between two fires: his beloved wife and the most expensive person in the world – his mother. And you do not know how to create comfort in such a family… My story is an example of this.
When the son is a light in the window.
Even before my marriage, I knew that it would not be easy for me with my mother-in-law. My husband was raised by his mother alone, so he is the only native person for her. And for my husband, my mother was always the most important person in life.
Friends shook their heads: what kind of guy is this, if on a date every half hour he calls his mother and reports that “he’s all right”. And I even liked it – a caring son, so he will be a caring husband.
And in general, I never liked how all my friends with undying enthusiasm constantly washed the bones of their “father-in-law”, so I somehow set up in advance that everything would be different for me.
Relationship with mother-in-law.
Conflict in the family.
It turned out to be much more complicated than I could have imagined. After the wedding, I insisted that my mother-in-law live with us: I did not want to be “separated”. I didn’t think at all what it would be like for a woman deprived of her personal female happiness to watch our family idyll.
My husband and I began to notice that she turned away every time he gently hugged me or kissed me just like that, for no reason or reason – in broad daylight… They began to kiss furtively, but she was still there, as if watching.
It got to the point that my husband stopped showing me any tenderness at all in front of her. There was a constant tension in the house, as if the air was electrified.
Later, I also regretted that I immediately acted as if I didn’t know how to do anything around the house, but was ready to learn everything from her. I thought it would work and she would like to be in charge of the kitchen. But she began to treat me as an incompetent, unworthy of her son.
It was ridiculous. My mother-in-law commands (and she only spoke to me in a commanding tone): “Take the frying pan! No, not the other one! Put it on the fire! Pour the oil! Get four eggs out of the refrigerator! Wash them! Smash it in the frying pan!”
I smiled at first: “You mean fried eggs? Well, you would say so! What’s so difficult here!”. In response, she just pursed her lips, and then fell silent for a long time.
Here even now I describe it and understand: what are all these little things really! But they make life so bad…
How to get along with your mother-in-law?
I made my own conclusions: no matter what the best feelings and intentions you have before the wedding, no matter what illusions you have about the fact that everything will be different for you, you need to live separately! Let it be near, but separately!
No apartment? So, you need to work and rent a house, take a loan – any option. Peace and love in the house-more expensive!
Experts about the mother-in-law.
Psychologists distinguish 5 types of mothers-in-law:
Girlfriend-helps the daughter-in-law, consults with her. Accept such a second mother with joy! Tyrant-requires unquestioning submission. It is useless to argue with such a person. Ignore it quietly. Spy-can not only read your phone, but also follow you. Stop such actions, so as not to turn into a Stirlitz! Mother hen-does not want to share her son with another woman. The main thing in a relationship with such a mother – in-law is tolerance. Mother – in-law-on the example of her own daughter sees difficulties with her mother-in-law, so she is very delicate.