How to maintain harmony with yourself in a toxic relationship.
Recently, the topic of toxic relationships has become particularly popular in the Russian-language Internet space. If you happen to have never encountered this concept before, then this article will be useful to you. We are talking, indeed, about a toxic ability, but in a figurative sense. Toxic relationships are relationships in which one partner “poisons” the other, provoking him to have certain psychological problems, which can eventually turn into a real mental disorder or in some way manifest themselves on the physical level. By the way, both partners can be toxic. Someone believes that this is the only way it happens in the vast majority of cases. Sometimes a “toxic relationship” refers to a relationship with a psychopath, abuser, alcoholic, etc. In principle, all this is already included in this definition. To summarize briefly, toxic relationships are relationships in which partners (less often – a partner) do not have the opportunity to develop personally, but only break down. Toxic relationships often cause cumulative mental trauma to interpersonal relationships.
You can find many articles that reveal the signs of a toxic relationship: one partner “parasitizes” the other, manipulates him, ridicules him. Or both partners do it. Often there are incessant quarrels, growing dissatisfaction with yourself, the inability to imagine your future with this person. It is clear that the list of manifestations can be quite long, but now we will not dwell on them in more detail. Let’s say it’s clear that the relationship you’re in is toxic. What should I do then? Most often, the authors conclude their articles with a fervent call to immediately break off relations with a toxic person who poisons your life, or even just run away. In many cases, they are right, but unfortunately, it is not always possible to immediately apply this strategy. If you are sure that sooner or later it should still come to a break, the following “techniques” will help us “pass” the time (they relate to “toxic” spouses, “toxic” parents / relatives, and “toxic” friends / acquaintances):
Structuring the contact. The relationship continues, but now it is clearly regulated by you. We provide the “toxic” party with a list of prohibited and permitted topics. Are our demands ignored? Okay, then we’re breaking contact. Low contact level. Everything is clear here. We try to reduce the number of meetings and / or their duration, reduce to a minimum all opportunities to communicate with this person; “Gray Stone”. We communicate with a toxic person as if we barely know him – we react sluggishly to his attacks, talk to him only on insignificant topics (in great detail, with all the details). If emotions are expected from us, then the need to feel their power over us is clearly manifested. But now the toxic person does not get what he wants, our communication no longer meets his needs, and as a result, it can be interrupted or curtailed already on his initiative. There are certain risks here – a toxic person can increase the pressure or even show open aggression, trying to cause us the emotions he needs. If we have enough internal resources at this point, we can try to wait out his siege. If there is such a strategy, we will no longer be of interest to him (another question is that this moment may not come tomorrow or even in a week). One way or another, we will need to really evaluate our capabilities. But we will gain valuable experience! We think about the positive.
Help from a psychologist in a toxic relationship.
The very breakup of a toxic relationship is also called a lack of contact. You can just leave. You can explain yourself to your “toxic” loved one before leaving. (Note: the written presentation of the reasons for leaving in many cases is preferable to face-to-face.) The last important point: such a relationship simply could not pass without a trace for you, so after their breakup, you should contact a psychologist (by the way, ideally this should be done at the stage “It seems that this relationship brings me a lot of pain”).
If you decide to keep the relationship, you just can’t do without a psychologist / psychotherapist. Both family and individual psychotherapy (for each of the partners) will be appropriate here.
And what to do if you suddenly realized that you are the very toxic person from whom everyone is advised to run, and you do not like this situation? The answer is the same: “You need qualified help (and we are not even talking about a psychologist, but a psychotherapist, even without medical treatment of nerves).” Obviously, “toxicity” does not come from an excess of mental well-being. For example, it may be the result of a mental trauma. Awareness of the problem is the first step on the way to solving it, and you have already done it.