Do you think how to reconcile with your wife after a strong quarrel?
You don’t know how to find the right words if you really hurt her badly?
We will try to tell you in as much detail as possible about how to do this better, making up a kind of universal formula for an apology.
However, first you should familiarize yourself with the most important rule: you should only ask for forgiveness when you really feel guilty, and this is sincere .
If this is your case, then let’s go.
1 Take a break and calm down.
Do not rush to apologize, restoring trust is a serious matter. First, allow yourself to move away from the stress you have experienced.
All people mess up and at least once in their lives say hurtful things in the heat of a quarrel, do something that they then bitterly regret.
2 Recognize and acknowledge your role in the quarrel.
Try to dissect the situation, decompose it into its components. Try not to lie to yourself and understand why it happened the way it happened, what is the real reason for your actions (outbursts of anger, cheating, drinking).
In the process, you can come to a variety of different and sometimes unexpected conclusions. The fact is that people often apologize “automatically”, because “it is so accepted”. But in fact, the argument was a symptom of a much more serious problem that you should discuss and perhaps even take a temporary time out in the relationship.
If you have analyzed what happened, understood the reasons for your behavior, felt guilty and realized that you are ready for an apology-think through your speech in advance (thesis), you can even throw thoughts on paper.
3 Choose the right time and place.
Make sure no one distracts you. If you can’t talk calmly at home, you should call your spouse to a cafe and talk there over a cup of tea.
If you do this in the wrong place, the conversation may be interrupted, and you may never return to it, ending in mid-sentence (which threatens to hold grudges).
4 Prepare a refreshing drink.
If you still decide to talk at home, make a simple refreshing drink for both of you — water with lemon or green tea.
You can prepare a delicious treat in advance, for example, bake ginger cookies. The main thing here is not to overdo it. Alcohol, full-fledged meals, cakes are inappropriate in these circumstances and will clearly be superfluous.
5 Forget about pride.
This is not the best approach to anything. If you find it so unbearably difficult to apologize and admit your own mistakes, you may have problems with self-esteem. In this case, first you should work on yourself, read specialized literature or, perhaps, go to a couple of sessions with a psychologist.
6 Try to be as honest as possible.
Without this point, it is unlikely to really establish a relationship, any insincerity is always felt, especially by a close person.
Even if the apology is formally accepted, it is likely that inside it will be overshadowed by the feeling that you were not completely frank.
7 Accept responsibility, apologize.
No one is responsible for your behavior except yourself. It doesn’t matter how bad things are at work, whether you have a headache, who and for how long you were “provoked”. You obviously shouldn’t have done what you did, and circumstances have nothing to do with it.
Try to say in your own words that you were very wrong and repent of it. Say that you understand that apologies in themselves do not mean anything, but you will try not to be unfounded and support them with actions.
8 Tell us about the changes that have taken place in you.
It will be great if you tell us what has changed in you, what experience you have gained. Perhaps you realized something or felt something?